To celebrate International Babywearing Week 2013, Eve has written a letter to her son:
To My Boy,
I couldn't wait for maternity leave.
I thought our first days were going to be filled with fun time at baby massage and baby groups.
I dreamed of us going for long walks pushing the boy in your shiny new pram.
You had different ideas.
You had an aversion to sleep.
Day and night.
You didn't know how to go to sleep by yourself.
You didn't like to me being further a couple of centimetres of you.
You were so tired all the time.
So was I.
It felt like every minute of my life revolved around getting you to sleep and trying to keep you asleep.
Rocking you. Driving you around for hours in the car. Feeding you to sleep on my boob.
24 hours a day.
I lived on my nerves.
If someone rang me and woke you up, then they certainly knew about it.
Maternity leave was not living up to my expectations for us.
Why didn't I know about slings?
It's my biggest regret in my parenting life.
I did try a carrier but you hated it, so I scrapped slings off the list of possible solutions.
I am certain that our first 6 months together would have been calmer.
It seems ridiculous now that I didn't research more.
Health visitors suggested formula and controlled crying.
They weren't the answers for us.
I didn't use Facebook then and didn't go on forums a lot.
I was so exhausted, I couldn't read about babies that slept.
It sent me into a spiral of despair and made me wonder what I was doing wrong.
So I avoided the internet.
I just wanted you to sleep for longer than 20 minutes at a time.
Day or night.
If only I had known about all the different types of slings. If only I knew there were sling libraries.
They would have been our answer.
We could have gone for long walks together.
We could have gone to baby groups without me turning back because you wouldn't stop crying in your pram.
It was just all about the cuddles.
It still is.
Never stop cuddling me please.
Love Mama xxx